If you are reading this guide because someone you know is dying or has died, please accept our condolences. We're sorry that you’re going through this. This guide has been written to support you in having a more empowered approach to arranging a funeral at what can be an unsettling and uncertain time.

Dealing with the death of someone close to you is not easy. There’s going to be paperwork. There’ll be people to talk to. There’ll be things to sort out. There’ll be some difficult decisions to make. But you should know that there’s no rush to make any decisions and there are supportive professionals who can guide you through the next steps.

If you’re reading this in preparation, you might want to print out this guide and keep it somewhere safe and accessible.

At Home

When someone dies at home, a doctor will need to certify the death. Sometimes this will be the person's registered GP, sometimes it will be the on-call doctor. After someone has died, you can spend time with them. You may want to play some music or light a candle. There’s no rush to call the funeral director. When you feel ready, you can call us on 020 4525 8318 and we'll bring the person who has died into our care in South East London, providing the death has been certified. 

Please note - we do not operate a 24/7 call out service. If you call late at night or in the early hours, please leave a message. We will call you back in the morning to arrange bringing the person who has died into our care.

If the death was expected, the GP will provide a medical certificate showing the cause of death, which you will need to register the death.

At a Nursing Home

When someone dies in a nursing home, a doctor will need to certify the death. Sometimes this will be the person's registered GP, sometimes it will be the on-call doctor. Once the doctor has seen the person who has died, the nursing home may require that we collect them straight away. If the death was expected, the GP will provide a medical certificate showing the cause of death, which you will need to register the death.

Please note - we do not operate a 24/7 call out service. If you call late at night or in the early hours, please leave a message. We will call you back in the morning to arrange bringing the person who has died into our care.

In Hospital or Hospice

If the person has died in hospital or hospice, you'll liaise with the bereavement team who will offer practical and emotional support. The person who has died will usually be cared for in the mortuary at the hospital or hospice until a funeral director is appointed or alternative arrangements are made. If you appoint us as your funeral director, we'll be able to call the hospital or hospice and make the necessary arrangements.

If Someone Dies Unexpectedly

If someone dies unexpectedly or if they haven’t been seen by their GP in the last 28 days, their death will be reported to the coroner, who may request a post-mortem or inquest. This may take some time so it's a good idea to speak to us so we can liaise with the coroner. We won’t be able to confirm a date or time until the coroner has finished their investigations.

Registering the Death

You’ll need to make an appointment at your local register office to register the death within five days. You’ll need the the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD) signed by the doctor. This may be electronically submitted to the registrar’s office by the doctor. If you have their birth certificate, NHS medical card or number and marriage or civil partnership certificates, this may be useful but is not necessary.

The registrar will issue a death certificate and a certificate for burial or cremation (the green form). You'll need to give us the green certificate for the funeral to go ahead. The registrar may also email it directly to us.

It may be a good idea to order several copies of the death certificate, as various authorities may need it (such as banks and life insurance companies). Copies of the death certificate cost £11 each.

The Government’s website provides helpful information about how to handle the administration following a death.

Funeral Options

Please don’t be pressured into appointing a funeral director straight away. There’s no rush to make a decision. Give yourself some time to consider how you’d like to approach arranging the funeral.

Choosing a Funeral Director

You may wish to appoint a funeral director (such as Poetic Endings) to take care of the person who has died and to make arrangements for the funeral, although using a funeral director is not a legal requirement. Funeral directors are all different, so it’s important to choose someone who feels right for you. If you’re looking for a good funeral director in your area, the Good Funeral Guide will be able to help.

DIY Funerals

Using a funeral director is not a legal requirement. You may wish to handle the arrangements yourself. You can do everything from collecting the person who has died from the mortuary to taking care of them at home, transporting them to the funeral, and even arranging a burial or cremation. As flexible funeral directors, we're able to support you in any aspect of the funeral, even if you'd rather do most of it yourself. The Natural Death Centre will be able to provide support and guidance.

Direct Cremation

Direct cremation is when the person who has died is collected from the place of death and cremated with no ceremony and no mourners. It has become increasingly popular in recent years with people who have disregarded the need for a funeral ceremony.

A good funeral can be profound and transformational in helping the people left behind to acknowledge and accept the death of someone close to them. A funeral doesn’t have to be like the ones you’ve been to in the past; you can create a funeral that works for you and helps you to grieve.

If you don’t want a traditional funeral but don’t want a direct cremation, it may be better to opt for a simple funeral where you choose the elements that work for you. If you work with a flexible funeral director, they’ll be able to facilitate this for you. For example, it may be important for you to spend time with the person who has died, but not important that they are transported to the funeral in a hearse followed by limousines. 

crematoria

Service time differs between crematoria from 30 minutes to one hour. Note that a 30 minute service is only 20 minutes of service time as 10 minutes will be needed for entering, leaving and cleaning between services.

If you know that there’s going to be a lot of content, you can book double (or even triple) service time.

You don’t have to go to the local crematorium or the crematorium closest to your funeral director. Ask about how much time you’ll be given and whether the crematorium is in good repair. You can visit and have a look around before you make a decision. Have a look at our guide to crematoria in London here.

At some stage, you may be asked to make a decision about the committal. This is when the curtains close around the coffin and/or the coffin moves through the doors and out of sight. Each crematorium is set up differently. It’s your choice as to how you say goodbye – you may want the curtains to remain open and the coffin in place. 

You can also ask to witness the start of the cremation.

You may prefer to say goodbye in your own way. For example, a message writing ceremony, simple words of farewell or placing a favourite flower on the coffin as you depart. There are no rules. 

Woodland & Natural Burial Grounds

Woodland and natural burial grounds can be a peaceful setting for a funeral. They’re often set in beautiful locations and some have ceremonial halls on site. See our guide to woodland and natural burial grounds around London here.

With a natural burial, there’s much more time and space to hold the ceremony you want without the pressures of the crematorium.

Some natural burial grounds will not allow you to mark the grave site. Some will allow a simple marker whilst others encourage the idea that the person who has died is becoming part of the landscape. 

Other Venues

There are no laws stating where a funeral must be held. You can hold the service outside of the crematoria or church. Community halls, theatres and historic houses may work well for you but check that they will allow the coffin to be there, if that’s important to you. You can even hold the funeral at home or in your garden.

See our guide to alternative funeral venues in London here.

The Funeral Ceremony

If you decide to have a funeral ceremony, you’ll need to decide on the kind of ceremony you’d like and who you’d like to lead it.

A good funeral honours the person who has died whilst serving the needs of those left behind. The process of putting the funeral together can help with your grief. Sitting down with relatives to share stories, taking time to write a tribute or gathering photos for the order of service is as important as the funeral itself. 

Religious Services

A religious service will follow the traditions of your chosen faith and will follow a fixed format.

The Church of England has a helpful website which provides lots of information about funerals. The Art of Dying Well has a useful collection of Catholic prayers.

Celebrants

Funeral celebrants will facilitate the funeral that you’d like to have based on your beliefs, not theirs. The funerals they put together are usually life-centered and can include elements of religion such as prayers. A good celebrant will visit you at home and spend time talking about the life of the person who has died before putting together the funeral.

There’s a whole spectrum of celebrants with different styles and approaches. Your funeral director may recommend a celebrant but you don’t need to go with their recommendation and can book someone independently. It’s your choice.

You can see our directory of recommended celebrants in London here.

Blended Faith

We live in a society of multiple faiths. Belief systems in families can be complicated. Mourners may have differing needs, but they don’t need to be contradictory.

For example, we’ve worked alongside an Imam and a celebrant to put together a funeral ceremony for a young woman. Her family were religious, but her friends weren’t. Her blended funeral met everyone’s needs.

Family/ Friend Led

If you or someone you know feels capable of leading the funeral service, you can do that. You can put together the funeral yourself or appoint an open-minded celebrant to assist you with certain elements such as how to structure it.

Funerals don’t have to stick to any structure or format. You can just play a favourite song on repeat or sit in silence if that resonates with you.

Remember

A good funeral can be transformational in helping the people left behind to acknowledge and accept the death of someone they love. It may be joyful, solemn, sad, relaxed or formal, depending on the circumstances. You may choose to call it a funeral, a celebration of life, or something entirely different. It might be traditional and formal, it might be simple and informal. A funeral can be meaningful and relevant and doesn’t need to break the bank.

If you want to find out more about funerals, good funeral directors or you have additional questions, we'd love to hear from you.

After the Funeral

Find Support

In the days after the funeral, support networks often disappear as life returns to normal for everyone else. This can be the most vulnerable time when you’ve grieving.

Grief can be messy, complicated and painful. Contrary to popular belief, it doesn’t come in neatly defined stages. The idea of ‘getting over it’ or ‘moving on’ isn’t helpful. There’s no one-size-fits-all prescription. 

The Good Grief Trust exists to help people experiencing grief in the UK. The charity aims to be there for anyone who has been bereaved by acknowledging grief and providing reassurance, a virtual hand of friendship and ongoing support. If you’re struggling and need support and guidance, you can find specialist help by looking at the directory on their helpful website.
www.thegoodgrieftrust.org